In the process of moving on

If someone would ask me: Are you ready to start a new relationship?
To be honest: I don't know.

But I did meet someone special and I am willing to give it a try. In this process of trial and error (as what one of my friend would say), I find another mixed feelings of happiness and fear.

Happy because I'm experiencing the feeling of loved and appreciated by someone. I almost forgot how good it felt. I'm happy that I can also express (though not completely, yet) my loving nature.

Afraid, too. Yesterday we talked and she just mentioned briefly that I have difficulty to express my emotions. Though this is true because of my introvert character, it is also so because of fear. It was hard enough to finally be able to express my emotions to someone and I completely trusted that someone, just to know in the end it would leave me a deep scarring wound. And in the attempt to open up again, that wound is like bleeding again, and the pain is as bad as when I first got it.

I also have fear to hurt this someone. I would never want to hurt anyone else. I know how much it hurts, I don't want anyone else ever have a feeling like this, and especially not because of me. A few days ago, when one of my best friend had a similar story that she found out her ex-girlfriend cheated on her, I just simply cried out of empathy, because I felt what she felt. Nowadays, I just get so sensitive in heartbreak issues: the feeling of being hurt by someone, yet still loving them. But, maybe it just hurts more because we love them so much.

I don't know. Am I just too stupid to still be in love of someone who obviously hurt me so much. Am I just too stupid to start hoping again for her to comeback.

Shouldn't I just let go, move on, and love another? I deserve a better love don't I?

In the end of the day, it's just me and my thought in front of my notebook. Many questions. Searching for answers. But I guess, as what my mom always, I'll have to be patient and wait for the answers "one day at a time". Patience and time will give answers.